Forget Flattering this Summer

I’m lovin’ summer this year. Now that I’m out of the desert, summer time is a welcome change. Hello sunshine, blue skies, a reduced work load (I’m a teacher), and adventures! O the glories of summer.

But there is one little facet of summer that I’ve never enjoyed…

As the temperatures rise, it gets less and less comfortable to adequately clothe my jiggly bits. You now the ones I mean. Thighs, upper arms, belly. The jiggly bits.

That is, until recently. Something about my stint in Phoenix turned me into a summer time rebel. When the temperature starts playing around 110 degrees, shorts start sounding better and better; by the time 115 rolls around, I’m a strong proponent of spaghetti strap tans and mini skirts. Shoot, if it gets hot enough, a crop top paired with bootie shorts starts sounding like business professional. The Sonoran Desert is no joke, folks. It has been known to drive women to depths they never thought they would consider, including (but certainly not limited to) putting their chunky, mottled purple and white, varicose vein riddled, surgery scarred legs on display.

Luckily, I escaped the desert last summer to a mountain town two hours north, 5000 feet higher, and 20 degrees cooler. Really, I don’t have to dress so scantily anymore but now that I’ve gotten a taste for rebellion…

So, in honor of summer and inspired by brave bloggers that have come before, I think I’ll challenge myself by breaking some tried and true fat girl fashion rules.

You know the ones I mean. All those rules meant to hide our figures, disguise the fat, and minimize all that flesh that makes people uncomfortable.

Rules like….

  1. No horizontal stripes.
  2. Wear black, it’s slimming. Whatever you do, avoid loud colors!
  3. As long as we’re discussing color, fat girls are banned from vivid prints. If you must do prints, (and we wish you wouldn’t) keep it small and muted- think dainty, the opposite of your thighs.
  4. Three quarter sleeves or more, please.
  5. If you’re going to dare to wear a tank, do the rest of us a favor and cover yourself up with a cardigan (preferably in black, the slimming you know!) Certainly avoid spaghetti straps at all costs.
  6. Never, ever, never let anyone in the universe catch a glimpse of your stomach. No bikinis. No crop tops.
  7. In fact, double up when you cover that belly. Don’t just do it once with your pants; make sure your shirt is long enough to drape over that offending bulge as well so even the outline is disguised.
  8. No shorts. No short shorts. And especially no shorts that ride up when you walk because your thighs touch.
  9. No printed pants. They make your butt and your belly look even fatter. (Broke it!)
  10. Bathing suits must have skirts!…

I’m aiming to break a few of these this summer. Forget flattering!

Cheers to being round and rebellious!

 

 

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