You see, I still, after all these years and all these lessons, I still succumb to my eating disorder daily. Don’t get me wrong, it looks a lot prettier than it used to. I don’t pop laxatives like candy and I don’t end a feast on my knees in front of the toilet. I don’t even eat to the point of pain anymore, no third or fourth or fifth servings- no half-gallon of ice cream straight out of the carton. Yet I still…
By eight years old, I was already skilled in the art of fetching my stepfather a drink. Not yet tall enough to reach the large glasses on the top shelf, or the liquor cabinet above the stove, I’d hoist myself onto the counter. Next I’d grab a plastic tumbler from the first cupboard, one of those ringed by four smart rows of penguins marching neatly round. A few steps of my bare feet across counter-top brought me to the highest cabinet where a bottle of Seagram’s 7 always fronted a handful of options.
“Why did God let me go through all this? How could he use this ugliness?” That was the plaintive question of one woman I spoke to a few weeks ago. Alcoholism, homelessness, drug addiction, death of a child, broken relationships- her life before Christ was a mess. Even now she was haunted by the consequences,… Continue reading Strengthen Your Sister
At 18, living alone in a new city, there was a day I decided to wear only red. The color would be my brand, my hallmark, my calling card. In a strange new place, where I was as of yet anonymous, I could choose to become anyone, anything. I chose red. I visited dozens of… Continue reading A Softer Shade of Red
Five Things I Should Have Learned in Kindergarten (But didn’t figure out until I was in my 30’s) Part 4 The Fourth Thing: It’s okay to be the biggest girl in the room. At most gatherings, I’m the largest female. This is not new for me. I’ve been a big girl since birth. I came… Continue reading The Biggest Girl in the Room
Scrolling through my Facebook feed this morning, I stumbled across Gina Kolata’s article in the New York Times about a breakthrough new study, “After ‘The Biggest Loser,’ Their Bodies Fought to Regain Weight.” The shocking results? Significant weight loss has permanent effects on the metabolism. Years after losing large amounts of weight, former contestants were left with… Continue reading Fighting a Losing Battle