The Gift of Sorrow: Finding God in Depression

What kind of a Christian can’t find her all in all in Christ? I was supposed to have the joy, joy, joy down in my heart to stay, right? If I was really following Christ, He’d instantly transform all this grief into joy, right? The heavens should open up and light pour down, chasing away all this darkness.

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After the Silence

141 days tiptoed past my shuttered window undetected their spun cotton gait a mirror of my reticence   When darkness pressed, worry devoured my muse relentless words withered off each fingertip, scattered petals   3,384 silent hours slid, sleek and stealthy unrecorded formless and void without frame of language   When the churning tides of… Continue reading After the Silence

A Goodbye to Old Fashioned

By eight years old, I was already skilled in the art of fetching my stepfather a drink. Not yet tall enough to reach the large glasses on the top shelf, or the liquor cabinet above the stove, I’d hoist myself onto the counter. Next I’d grab a plastic tumbler from the first cupboard, one of those ringed by four smart rows of penguins marching neatly round. A few steps of my bare feet across counter-top brought me to the highest cabinet where a bottle of Seagram’s 7 always fronted a handful of options.

The Darker the Night…

Since childhood I had held my personal night at bay with artificial light of my own design: third helpings of pizza and forgetting myself in five books a day, outrageous lies and sexual exploits, hash laced joints and lines of meth, camel menthols and twelve hour workdays. I had always lost myself in a hundred things so that I never had to face the night inside.

Something to Celebrate!

WordPress sent me a little congrats this week- it seems I have hit the one year mark for my blog. For a woman known for her strong starts and little to no follow-through, this is a serious accomplishment. In one year, I’ve been so blessed by this platform from which to share my writing. I’ve… Continue reading Something to Celebrate!

Release

I am Learning to pause and Force my mind to take stock of my body Taut shoulders, cast iron jaw, adrenaline fueled urgency, invariably discovering my right hand clenched at hip knotted up in a stony fist closed off grasping so tightly at nothing Muster courage to unfurl each finger conciously blooming ferns roll open my… Continue reading Release